Helping Children with Special Needs

Having a child with special needs takes parenting to a whole new level. 

Sometimes, significant needs are apparent when a child is newborn, or young.  Sometimes, the needs become apparent only gradually, or shift as time goes on.  In other situations, needs can come upon a family suddenly, as a result of accident, illness, or injury.  No matter the timing, whether sudden or gradual, many things change, for the child, for the siblings, and for the parents.

In the case of neurological disorders (such as an Autism Spectrum Disorder, including Autism and/or Asperger’s), or in the case of severe mental illness (Bipolar Disorder, severe Depression or Anxiety, or other serious illnesses), parents and families can feel especially stressed.

Where do you go to get information?  To get support?  To figure out what your child needs?  To communicate with the school system to address service needs?  To figure out what the rest of the family needs?  The challenges of all this can be overwhelming. 

To make matters worse, parents often encounter others who believe they have just the right advice to “fix” their child, ranging from more intense discipline (“I’d just give him a few whacks, that’s all!”), to special diets, to special treatments, to….

Actually, the list of possible advice others want to give parents with children who have special needs, is practically endless.  Often the advice is truly from someone’s heart, intended to support families with need --even when one person’s advice contradicts the next, or comes from someone who does not really understand the complex dynamics of significant special needs.  When this happens, care and compassion can become added stress.  It can be difficult to understand what is happening to your own child, let alone what that child needs.

I have been working with families with children who have significant special needs for the vast majority of my career.  Before I had my own children, I had learned a great deal about how to help children, parents and families.  To understand the complexities of a child’s (sometimes subtle) needs.  To figure out how to assess needs (including involving other professions).  To figure out what alternative strategies might be reasonably considered.  To figure refer out to another professional when medication might be needed, and, how to find the right person to do this important piece.

Now, however, not only have I learned a great deal professionally, I have also become the parent of a child with significant special needs.  Even as a parent who is well-educated and knowledgeable, I have had to navigate this difficult path.  I am grateful for my children, for my path, for my continued growth.  That said, this journey has not been easy.  There have been many twists and turns.  It has been challenging to sort out not only what my child needs, but also how to get it.  While also trying to make sure my child did NOT get what my child DID NOT need.

I have made connections with many providers along my journey, and many parents.  I may not know what it is like to be in your shoes, but if you are a parent of a child with significant special needs, I think I may have gotten a pair from a nearby shelf!

Often I encounter parents sincerely seeking help for a child for whom they have grave concerns.  I love being able to help parents sort out what some of the needs might be, and how to get those needs assessed, and addressed, with a team-approach  nearly always being involved. 

The other thing I notice with these parents?  Many parents are so busy focusing on how to care for their child, that they forget to notice that they themselves need care.  Many times, parents say, “Oh, right. Right,” as they are whizzing past, trying to reach out and grasp care for their child.  Years later, some of them look back and realize how much they have neglected themselves in their quest to help their child. 

Other parents come to me, after having been to other knowledgeable, compassionate, and competent providers, yet still not feeling understood.  And, while I am certainly not all things to all people (nor all things even to all parents!), I do “get” what it can be like to travel this road.

If you would like me to participate with you on your road (either to facilitate services for your child, or to support you, or both), I invite you to contact me.  

-Jane Houghtaling Walker, PhD